Friday, May 28, 2010

It Takes a Village...

Logan's speech therapist, Katie, just left.  This week went a bit better for me than the first visit.  The first visit was just hard!  I really wouldn't consider myself a proud person but I felt a tinge of shame and jealousy as Katie just seemed to really connect with him.  By the time she left she had diffused a rather heated tantrum and taught him 2 new signs.  Watching her in action was fascinating.  She was mimicking any sounds he made and added a few of her own.  I felt like I was the third wheel in a monkey cage. I realized something after observing the Jane Goodall of toddlers... I had no idea how to help Logan speak.

So after a week of speaking in two word sentences and sabotaging Logan's play, he now can add "choo-choo" to his repertoire of spoken words.  I could kiss that train set my mother-in-law gave us.

This week with Katie was more pleasant for me.  I decided to observe more and simply be taught at her feet.  I'm no help to Logan if I'm too busy feeling sorry for my imperfections.

Sometimes my confidence as a mother is so easily shaken.  Other times it's so clear to me what I can contribute to my family.   I've always believed that it takes a village to raise a child.  Having lost a parent at such an early age forced me to really connect to those outside of my family circle.  Now, as a mother, I'm tempted to accept an implied expectation to be his everything.  To teach him everything, even if it's beyond my ability.  This leaves me incredibly empty and sad for myself because I always fall short.  It makes motherhood a very heavy burden.

So now, as I open the door to Katie, I welcome this woman who can help us communicate with one another.  She is part of my village that will help me raise my child.  She is not a reminder of what I could not do alone but a reminder to me that there is hope for the chasm that I cannot fill.

I look forward to meeting the other villagers who will have a hand in Logan's life.


JaeReg said...

We are all so much healthier if we refuse to be each other's everything. It is a difficult direction to go, especially as a new parent. But mother and child, having cleared the hurdle of infancy, find life more full when they allow others to enter the "village".

I'm glad you have a Katie to help.

Troy and Lisa Fisher said...

As I watched Sydney walk at graduation and accept her diploma, I couldn't help but think of all the people who have touched her life. I have welcomed "the village" in raising my children and I can't help but think they are so blessed to have them in their lives. A good mother knows how to embrace her support system and you are a good mother.

Love you.

sugarlilysea said...

I just got caught up on your new blog... You are a great mother Jen! Logan is lucky to have you. Kieran is behind in speech and just finally saying stuff. I might need some villagers myself to get this kid talking more! It's so hard not to beat yourself up - I'm always comparing myself to others and coming up short.