What to write since the great toss into the sea of change.
The end of August proved itself a very unfortunate time for our family. Nathan found himself without a job. I was not shocked by the news. It's been four years of well...hard.
That was the initial toss. It felt more like a catapult.
But the toss back was positive. Nathan is in school full-time and has already decided on a major. Engineering. He's doing remarkably well. Just what the doctor ordered to lick the wounds of an abusive situation. And he quickly found another lab job to pay the bills. All is set with him. There is focus and drive in his eyes everyday and I'm grateful.
Even I was getting into it. I have been planning on going back into teaching for the past 6 months. Gathering ideas and simply getting excited to work again. Now was my time. I was ready to jump and get this family back on its feet. Then...another toss. Pregnant. And so happy about it.
But we're still out to sea with so much unknown and no land in sight.
That's been the latest. The waters have steadied and I'm getting used to the movement but I just can't seem to get a plan to work.
I keep grasping for a solution; keep trying to connect the here and now to our future plans and goals. Like how to survive the next 4 years while Nathan is in school. Luckily I've had a load of art commissions but it is so hit and miss.
But through all of this I feel so cared for, so totally remembered. I can feel the growing pains and know that I'm exactly where I need to be. I know we will look back on this time with reverence. Just as the disciples witnessed Christ stilling the waters at their most frightened hour we will see the power of God in our own battle for ground.
It is my goal that in 6 years I can, with sincere love, bring Nathan's former boss a pie and genuinely thank him and forgive him. Then I will kiss my darling husband and children, wipe my hands, and call it done. No bitterness, no more heaviness. Just gratitude and love. That is what I want most.